Nardwuar vs Wesley Willis

(Nardwuar now points to some of Wesleys' drawings) How many drawings have you done in your life?
All my life I've done forty thousand of them.

These particular drawings, when did you do them and what are they about?
They are about the city of Chicago.

And did you do these on this tour bus on this particular tour?
I did them on the other bus. I did them on the other bus before this one.

So have do you actually have to sit and paint and draw the stuff, or do you just do it by memory?
I just do it by memory.

What are you thinking about right now, Wesley Willis?
I'm just thinking about myself, painting in front of fifty thousand people.

Tell me a bit more about your great paintings over there.
I just draw every day. I just work hard, as hard to get my shit done.

Do you have any advice for upcoming drawers?
I just like to keep busy.

Wesley Willis, you have the expression, "Rock over...."

When did you come up with that and how?
I made it up.

But is that in reference to something, say a British TV show, an MTV TV show? What is that all about, Wesley Willis?



Yeah! Well, actually, why do you say, "Rock over London," Wesley Willis? Where does that come from? I am just curious.
I like to say it because otherwise it would mess up my mind with songs. I don't want to mess up one of my songs, and I always end them at two minutes and fifty seconds because that is my life.

Is Howard Stern a nice guy?
He is a good person but he is a humonger.

A what?

What does that mean?
Somebody told me was a humonger.

Wesley Wilils, I was curious, do you still hate Batman?
I hate Batman all the time, but Howard Stern is a good person.

But why do you hate Batman? What is wrong with Batman or Spiderman? What is wrong with them?
Batman is a fool! He is a damn fool!

What did he do? I think he's cool, Batman, all those kids wearing Batman shirts. That must make you mad, eh?
I whupped his ass.

Why did you whup his ass? Like what did he do wrong? I'm curious here, Wesley Willis?
He shattered my TV set.

Wesley Willis, does Nelly Furtado make her own clothes?

Wesley Willis, what is Chicago known for?
Chicago is known for a city and suburbs and everywhere I go.

What are some of your favourite places in Chicago and around the state?
I just like the traffic.

How about cities? What are some of your favourite cities in Illinois?

Any other ones? Smaller towns?
That's it.

How about bus routes? Do you have a favourite bus route that you would recommend people from Canada coming down to Chicago should check out at all?
Check out those CTA buses.

And what happens on them?
On the CTA buses there's trouble.

What sort of trouble?
There are people fighting. There are people knifing each other. They don't care.

So that would be a good thing for Canadians to go down and check out then?
That's not a good thing. Don't even think about them. CTA buses are hellrides anyway.

We are here in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, Wesley Willis. And you know in Vancouver, we have something called a Skytrain. What do you think about that?
It's something else.

A Skytrain. Have you been on that?
No, I have not.

What do you think about a Skytrain? Would that work in Chicago?
It wouldn't work in Chicago. I like the "L" Train. I like the "L" Train.

Has anyone ever got mad at you, Wesley Willis? Because there was that guy that slashed you.
He got mad at me and said I was a freak because I didn't want to give him my money to smoke their dope. I didn't want to give him my money to smoke their dope, so that's why he slashed me with a boxcutter. I wanted to take a spray and mace his ass. He's in jail now serving twenty-five years.

Does anyone else not like Wesley Willis, Wesley?
Everybody likes me.

Wesley Willis, what is a chicken cow?
I just made it up.

Wesley Willis, do you have a gun at all?
I never used one because I don't like to go jail. Prison is a place where you don't have fun. In prison you can't go anywhere. You can't run around town anymore. In prison you're just locked up.

What do you think about the band, The Prisonaires from the 1950s, where they actually made music out of a prison?
I never heard that band before.

Or the Lifers' Group, that rap group that was in prison?
I never heard of that before. I never heard of that before.

The Lifers' Group. Wesley Willis, do you get mad often?
I get mad all the time but I get people to tell me, "Rah." Say, "Rah!"

Say, "Raow."

Say, "Raow."

Say Raow!


Now, does this mean I get a head butt now?

Have you whupped anybody's ass recently Wesley Willis?
I never whupped anybody's ass because I do not want to get myself arrested and locked up.

But speaking of whupping asses and stuff, Battle of the Bands, Battle Royales. I was wondering, if Hootie and the Blowfish fought Ted Nugent, who would win?
Ted Nugent.

If Sting fought Alan Alda, who would win?
Alan Alda.

If Limp Bizkit, fought the Strokes, who would win?
The Strokes.

Wesley Willis, if Night Ranger fought the Spin Doctors, who would win?
The Spin Doctors.

Wesley Willis, if Little Bow Wow fought Bolt Thrower, who would win?
Bolt Thrower.

Wesley Willis, if you had a choice between a milkshake or a carrot, which would win?
A carrot.

Wesley Willis, anything else you would like to say to the people out there?
Rock 'n' roll will never die. Scream Dracula Scream. Thank you.

When does the head butt come in? (Wesley begins to head butt Nardwuar) Oh here it comes. Oh! Oh! Woah!
Say, "Rah."

Sah, "Rah."

Say, "Rrrrrewgh."

Rrrreeewwgh. Wesley, you're on fire! I have something for you. We're not over yet. Wesley, is the head butt finished, Wesley?

Back to the Menu!

Yes, I'm screaming. Is the head butt finished? Hold on, Wesley. I have something for you. Uh, Wesley Willis, thank you for speaking to me, Nardwuar the Human Serviette, and doot doola doot doot....
Doot doola doot doot doo.

Uh, almost, Wesley Willis. Doot doola doot doo...
Doot doola doot doo, doot doot!

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